The Quick Release Button

Its been ages since I've written.

It has been ages since I have done anything for me! Truly, intentionally for me.

Completely self serving.

This blog is for me. 

This is my quick release button, I am under pressure.

I feel the weight of the world, it is a beautiful world though isn't it?

Two beautiful children. A loving, kind, gentle partner. 

Honestly though, let's give it up to for the men who are GOOD, because they DO exist. I have one and I am ever grateful for that. No, I do not take him for granted and I certainly do not dismiss those of us women who have and currently are putting up with the rest of the apes who can hardly clean themselves properly after they dedicate all over our lives. I have one of those too, for the record.

I am blessed. That much I know. At the end of the day, I still need something for me!

So here I am.

I may writing this for my own benefit and no one may ever read it, and thats okay by me.

Have you ever had someone ask you, " What do you do for yourself?"

Did you sit there racking your brain for one thing that was purely for you? I did.

I really had no answer, the small things I came up with were dismissed and my dear friend and Cranio sacral therapist repeated, " For you....what can you do for YOU?"

I had no idea. It has been more than 5 months since that visit with her. I finally came up with an answer.  I can write. I have always loved to be creative through writing. I express myself best in writing. As a child, teen and young adult I consistently wrote to my loved ones and friends. Near and far. I wrote apologies, inquiries, love letters, songs, poetry, LISTS. I used to spend hours in my room, pausing songs and writing down their lyrics, memorizing, experiencing the words as the artist had intended them to be felt. Words are my freedom.

I also love to read, I do not do that enough either. My friends are in my books. I can lose myself in a good story. I have been to Italy, Egypt, the bayous of Louisiana. I have traveled with my friends, I have been in love, I have been heartbroken, I have grieved and laughed, all within my books.

As a mother, as someone who truly pours herself into her children and family. Do something for you, find what it is. Even if it takes you half a year to figure it out. Find your Quick Release button, release your pressure. At 6 am, or 2pm between feedings, at naptime, at midnight. Just make the time. 5 minutes or 5 hours. Do something for YOU.

After all is said and done, there will be no one to take care of them if you do not take care of YOU first. 

-T

Sweet and Salty

Each day in parenting small children has the opportunity to be sweet, fantastically magical and make you feel incredibly fulfilled... and then there's today.. where the tears streaming down your face are salty.

The children ate cereal for dinner,

[lets get real...the cereal is mostly on the floor.]

But none the less, they ate dinner.

The kitchen you cleaned twice today is a wreck, the bathroom looks to have survived a CAT 5 hurricane and the living room is littered with blocks, veggie straws and 3+ articles of clothing. Each worn likely less than 20 minutes before being shed and abandoned with no regard to their mothers sanity.

Back to the tears.

You aren't crying over the spilt milk, or any of the chaos created by the small monsters people keep insisting belong to you. You're crying because yet again, you tried your best to be the "gentle" "attached" "attentive" definition of parenthood that you're constantly trying to achieve. Again, you yelled. Again,  you held your little monster close because its the only thing that calmed the storm inside your body, begging to boil over.

deep breath.

In an instant, my child is over any incident that has occurred. He immediately returns to trying to sweet talk me into watching a movie with him in bed, rather than going to bed as Ive been trying to convince him to do since 9 pm.....

take note it's now 11:45pm.

The baby has woken and now you have TWO little ones to put to sleep. So into Mama and Papa's room we go. Surrendering into the king sized bed nursing the 4 month old on one side, desperately hoping the toddler stays quiet and still as to not wake the baby. Soon they will both be asleep and I can get some rest.

JUST KIDDING,

did you forget about the science experiment waiting to happen in the kitchen?

And the American Ninja Warrior obstacle course of hazards going on throughout the rest of the house. The two loads of laundry that literally demand to be folded. Sleep. Yeah, maybe in 5 years. We will put that on our amazon wish list. Too bad theres no two day delivery for the eluded 8 hours of uninterupted sleep.

But then theres the magic. There is the sweet and the Salty. A sweet surrender right before you lose your ever loving mind. The lions slumber.

Gosh, they are cute. When did they get so BIG!?  RESIST THE URGE TO KISS ALL OVER THEM. MUST. NOT. WAKE. THEM.  

Suddenly, all of the stress from today's battle melts away.  

Being a mother seems like the best gift you've been given. 

Sweet.

Salty.

Motherhood.

-T